hollow numbers

For the last 3 days, i awoke at 6am, oblivious to the cushiony bed below my torso, and stared upwards into the murky morning dim-ness. It was as if i was staring at the ceiling, but really, i looked through it. Then, i turned to my side and went back to sleep.

I withdraw $600 each from 3 savings accounts that I have been maintaining since 3 years ago. When people talk about emptying their bank accounts, this is it. I stood at the ATM holding this small wad of cash, my fingers clenching it tightly. Then, i walked away.

Exactly 336 hours before i fly Down Under.

true colours

hey you,
you're the prettiest girl i've ever seen with curls, you are not ugly at all,
okay?


You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness there inside you
Makes you feel so small

But I see your true colours
Shining through
I see your true colours
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colours
True colours are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
And don't be unhappy, can't remember when
I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I see your true colours
Shining through
I see your true colours
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colours
True colours are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Ohhhh
I can't remember
When I last saw you laugh
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I see your true colours
Shining through
See your true colours
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colours, true colours
Are beautiful like a rainbow

Ohhhhhhh


Here is a plug for the US version of the same commercial for the Dove Self-Esteem Fund: http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/commercial.asp?src=InsideCampaign_commercial
This whole Dove campaign - using real women, real girls, real people - is advertising at its ace. Two thumbs up!

And you know what? here's the spoof of it.

4 yellow umbrellas

Weather forecast: Cloudy with periods of showers, heavy at times
Temperature: 23 to 28 degrees Celsius
Relative Humidity: 80 to 95 percent

it's a wonder how 2 small & 2 big yellow umbrellas i saw on a rainy day can make my day and turn my mood around :) Nobody carries yellow umbrellas in Singapore, most people have grey, blue, pink, or some ugly pastel flowery patterned brollies. This proves that God can speak to you through inanimate objects - like umbrellas.

woe is me

But I have that within which passeth show;
These but the trappings and the suits of woe.
- Hamlet, Act i. Sc. 2.

I woke up from a horrible, unsettling dream about being ostracised by friends, judged by strangers, and abandoned by my love. A heavy heart ensues.

Nobody cares for me. I am all alone in this world :(


Scene 1 in my dream:
I am having a Chinese-style dinner with my posse. I love soup, so i kept drinking from the soup bowl which was meant to be shared among all. One of the girls (in real life, the most stylish one) was offended and pushed all the other dishes towards me with a loud clatter. One of the guys (in real life, the nicest one) made a snide remark: "Jenny, you like to drink the soup is it? Eat all the food also lah!" The other friends showed black faces.

Scene 2 in my dream:
I am in Melbourne, and one of the locals was demanding to know how much money i have in my bank account, before she would rent me her house, or give me employment. When i showed her the account balance in my savings passbook, she snorted: "If you can't afford it, don't live in Australia."

Scene 3 in my dream:
My love of my life ignored my cries for attention, chose more pleasurable activities over spending time with me, and refused to help me in my time of desperate need.


I am very afraid that at the end of it all, i will be going back to Singapore alone, I will have no legal right to stay in Australia, i will have a load of debts to repay, I will have lost my relationships, and I will have nothing left.

What am i doing? Is it worth it?

i need this :)

Michelle said:
"You're one tough girlie!"

Delun said:
"You're one courageous woman."

Sharon said:
"I really admire the spontaneity that you have... you really live your life to the max!"

droolworthy

Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger have officially joined Johnny Depp in the Jenny's List of Hot-to-Trot Men.

my pre-melby 'needs' list

- runner's armstrap for Creative Zen
- Paul Frank hoodie in XS
- scented drawer linings
- bluetooth adapter > check
- usb 2.0 hub > check
- 2-way powder foundation > check
- brown eyeliner pencil > check
- funny boxers in M > check
- pirate skull tee-shirt in L > check
- winter jacket in XS > check
- trench coat in XS > check
- windbreaker in XS > check
- turtleneck pullover in XS > check
- thermal underwear in XS > check
- black opaque tights > check
- skin-coloured stockings > check
- thick woollen socks
- lip balm with rosy sheen > check
- red patent heels > check
- black pointy flats > check
- AAA batteries > check
- luggage tags

my utmost grateful tear-stained thanks to anyone who has any of the above and can donate them to me.
i kinda need cash blessings as well, oh man, this is the first time in my life i'm asking for handouts...

i miss you

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
and I miss you.

it's so surreal.

was it a dream? but no - i had piccies to show, a few hundred piccies in fact. and vivid memories, and a faded hickey.

if anything was closest to ecstacy without taking the drug, this must be it. I had possibly and proportionately the best holiday in my life this past Christmas. how could it be so good? it's either i am easily contented, or it really exceeded my expectations. the quality and quantity of things Chris and I did together - simple pleasures, yet meaningful to the max. Thank you, God!

it's so blah sitting here at my workstation in the fluoroscent lightbulbed office once again. it's been one week since i flew back via Austrian Airlines, and i'm still having the Aussie blues. in the midst of cutesy forwarded emails from colleagues, in the midst of office chatter and phone rings, i think of what my life will be like in 1 month's time, in 1 year's time, on another (much bigger) island. i think of mugging, communal living, emailing daddy, article reporting, church singing, cooking, melting pots...

this is the beginning of - life proper! everything before was just a rehearsal.

Dear Mr David Bu,

You have 1 room left, I have 1 life to give. I will be responsible for all the 4 walls of your room, and friendly even to the insects in the garden. I am tidy because i arrange my clothes according to colours, and my books according to height. i am a happy, delirious tenant who has no skeletons in the closet. I enjoy multiculture, and also cultured milk. I smoke an average of zero cigarettes per day, and am house-proud and homely by nature. I am willing to be grounded by you for 1 year and 1 month. Please rent the room to me.

Yours sincerely,
A soon-to-be RMIT student from Singapore

counting blue cars

Must of been mid afternoon
I could tell by how far the child's shadow stretched out and
He walked with a purpose
In his sneakers, down the street
He had, many questions
Like children often do
He said,
Tell me all your thoughts on God?
Tell me am I very far?

Must of been late afternoon
On our way the sun broke free of the clouds
We count only blue cars
Skip the cracks, in the street
And ask many questions
Like children often do
We said,
Tell me all your thoughts on God?
'Cause I would really like to meet her.
And ask her why we're who we are.
Tell me all your thoughts on God,
Cause I am on my way to see her.
So tell me am I very far -
Am I very far now?

Its getting cold picked up the pace
How our shoes make hard noises in this place
Our clothes are stained
We pass many, cross eyed people
And ask many questions
Like children often do

Tell me all your thoughts on God?
'Cause I would really like to meet her.
And ask her why we're who we are.
Tell me all your thoughts on God?
'Cause I am on my way to see her.
So tell me am I very far?
Am I very far now
Am I very far now
Am I very far now